I wrote some lyrics...thoughts?

[music___me]

CONFLAGRATION

birth, so glowering, mirth, so unpleasing, girth, so lumbering, earth, so disgusting
pain, so disdainful, plain, so distasteful, shame, so disgraceful, lame, so disabled
labor, so unproductive, dollar, can't help live, squalor, so punitive, success, over-rated

all we have, all we are, all we do, conflagration

sweat on my frame, work to gain, cain to maim, all in shame
tears to blood, river to a flood, built to fall, sail to a squall
all in fear, days are years, pain is near, tragedy is here

all we have, all we are, all we do, conflagration

our nations are creations, our fashions are the rations
we're making for the breaking, we're faking for the fake king
years to build, seconds to destroy, here comes the guild, man into toy

all we have, all we are, all we do, conflagration

let wildfires cleanse, let truth be heard
no longer will fake beauty cage the heavenly bird
fly with me, to demon forsaken skies, our rest awaits, beauty undisguised

all we have, all we are, all we do, conflagration

[music___me]

So, no one has any thoughts? I was hoping for some positive, or negative.

[pacifimatt]

Hey man - i read them - they are good
but to be honest i am not a lyrics man - i listen to a song as a whole
therefore without a melody or some sort of recording i really can't make any bearing on the subject
lyrics are so different from the page to the ear
they might be perfect as a poem but terrible in a song (vice versa) - you know?
and with me being a songwriter - i can't help with poems just songs
and even with songs - i think the melody and song structure are way more important than the lyrics
sorry - i hope that helps

[music___me]

Hey man - i read them - they are good
but to be honest i am not a lyrics man - i listen to a song as a whole
therefore without a melody or some sort of recording i really can't make any bearing on the subject
lyrics are so different from the page to the ear
they might be perfect as a poem but terrible in a song (vice versa) - you know?
and with me being a songwriter - i can't help with poems just songs
and even with songs - i think the melody and song structure are way more important than the lyrics
sorry - i hope that helps

Yes, that does help, thank you. I'm kind of glad to read that the word 'poem' came to your mind. Even as I was writing them as a song for someone, I kept thinking that they were more poetic than anything. You've helped solidify that thought.